Whatever Drugs Car Salesmen Do

Lindsay Lohan and Rip Salsa enjoy each other

2011-06-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

Lindsay is awesome!

Finally they leave you alone for doing something legal.

The only difference was I was driving a school bus.

When you try having a blog that has some consistency you need to stay at home and never leave! Bloggers who stay at home never get in trouble... If you have a neck tatoo, drive a school bus and have spent time at Walla-Walla they pick on you.

RIP "Macho Man" Randy Savage

2011-05-24T01:29:00.000-07:00

The Macho Man died a few days ago. He kicked ass... what more do you want me to say?

Bigger than the brand.

2011-05-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

When is a personality bigger than the brand?

Take Jobs out of Apple is Apple the same?

Take the Bogusky out of CP+B is CP+B the same?

Rip Salsa thinks not. If the Snarky Agencyspy website is correct and another layoff wave is headed towards the CP+B offices you have to wonder what the absence of Alex has done to the brander of brands. Once high on Acid and some really cheap gin I sat in on a Q&A with Alex in San Diego and I have to say the guy was a dynamic personality and he had an effect on others around him to be creative. Was the writing on the wall? You saw an Noah-like flood of talent leaving even before the Alex left (See Evan Fry and his cool little start up) and current talent just doesn't have that "It" quality to keep the cool going at the high octane speed needed. Can you say Polaroid?

Biggie Smalls Son is an actor

2011-05-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

Didn't recongize the resemblance until I saw an article on indiewire.He stars in that LIONSGATE movie Everything Must Go opposite Will Farrell. I hope the kid does well, I love Biggie and all things big.

Erik Ainge Thinks He Did More Drugs Than Charlie Sheen… and He’s Mormon

2011-05-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Erik Ainge admits to being a drug addict in this article, actually he brags about it. He says, “I would’ve made Charlie Sheen look like Miss Daisy.” Sounds like he’s still on drugs… actually he is, keep reading because here are a few points Erik needs to consider before he opens his mouth again.

First, Sheen made $1.8 million per episode, you signed a four-year $1.87 million deal to play for the NY Jets and your football career is over. Sheen lives in Malibu and is insane, you lived in New Jersey… in an apartment, which is also insane. Let’s do the math… $1.8 million for one episode of that shitty sitcom, or $1.8 million for 4 years of playing football, oh and your football contract isn’t guaranteed.

Second, you have tattoos reminding you not to do drugs. Seriously? You can’t just look at a line of coke say “eh, I can’t handle this shit”? Instead you have to have tats that say, “One Day At A Time” and “This Too Shall Pass”. Erik, you’re either an idiot (he is Mormon, so…) or you’re a dipshit. I’d say you’re both. But hey, at least he gets to have multiple wives! I wonder if old Joseph Smith is punishing Erik for going to Tennessee instead of BYU? Probably, I mean Joe Smith was a prophet and all.

Third. Erik, you have a fat, puffy face and you’re not even 25, which only means you’re either drinking a shitload of alcohol or you’re on med’s… oh, that’s right, you are on meds. You’re on “bipolar medication”. Well, at least you have an excuse of why you’re a drug addict. I mean, hell, it’s not your fault you wasted your talent, it’s the “rapid cycling bipolar disorder.” Right? Good thing there’s more drugs to cure you, or at least keep you stable for the rest of your life. Hurray for prescription drugs!

The good news is since your football career is over I know he can get a job as a car salesman.

All About the Mormons?
Tags: SOUTH
PARK more...

I Love You Mom

2011-05-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

Mother gets to go to Sizzler on me tonight!

Thor – Everybody Wants A Piece of the Action

2011-05-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

I used to know a guy who was in great shape, actually he was in too good of shape. He worked out five hours a day on top of working a meager job sweeping out warehouses filled with soda. He made very little money and whenever he’d encounter anyone of wealth he would say this, “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” What he was really saying was, “I better live longer than all those rich bastards.”

Well, that guy died a long time ago but still works out five hours a day. Weird, huh.

Oh, and speaking of muscles… here’s the THOR trailer they didn’t show you.

Fake pictures of Osama's penis now on the internet.

2011-05-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

More instant than oatmeal. The internet is awesome!

The kooks came out and swore that Osama wasn't dead, was dead for six years, still in hiding or some other theory that makes you sound the the biggest fucking basement-liver ever. Fake pictures abound proves they are right and the United States and the CIA are wrong.

The real picture that is circulating now is his enormous crank that he walked around with. No wonder he had a few wives.

PICTURES OF OSAMA'S GIANT WANG.

After that go tell people how getting a vaccine against measles makes your sperm count go down.

Naked Gym

2011-04-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

That’s right, a naked gym in Spain. Imagine doing the bench press and having Javier spot you. Seriously, think about that… or don’t.

What do you think it’ll look like when Hilda goes for her personal best in the squat? What about when Larry the hairy guy from Rome forgets to bring a towel? I can’t wait until that hottie shows up for her yoga session, or maybe I can wait.

Below is a video of Stephen Paea benching 225 lbs 49 times with clothes on, the NFL combine record. Just think how many reps he could’ve got without clothes.

Katie Couric may not want to come to Bend Oregon for her next colonoscopy

2011-04-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

The Feral Kid got me thinking about Oregon after the postman dumps twice post. There is a case in Bend Oregon that claims the doctors were a little lackadaisical on clean up between scopes. Some lady only know as anonymous Jane Doe found out the doctors did the Kleenex wipe off instead of a thorough disinfection. The greasy lawyer for the hospital tried the "Hey what was really hurt?"defense and the grand jury didn't agree. The hospital blathered that the scope "did not pierce her skin as a needle may," nor was it "offensive in the way sexual abuse is."

Let's put it this way... if you lined up 18 doctors in a row and you had a Kleenex to wipe off the probe after the first scope how many would volunteer to go second? Zero! It's more disgusting than my mailman taking a dump in my backyard or a Richard Gere scope. Do you think Katie would volunteer to be the fifth in line? Anal gang bang porn stars find this disconcerting. Colin Cowherd wouldn't even promote this to Illinois Nazis .

Oregon is a strange place.

Postal Worker in Oregon Delivers Free Fertilizer

2011-04-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

This is something you’d expect to happen in Florida, not Oregon. Or maybe Najeh Davenport got a new job as a postal worker in Oregon. Did you know Najeh’s nickname was “The Dump Truck”?

Anyway, long story short, The Smith’s roses will win first prize at this year’s county fair. Check out the video below.

Happy Meals are safe again! Oh happy days

2011-04-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

Some lady named Monet tried to sue McDonald's because her "fat"(guessing) kids wouldn't stop bothering her.

A "fat" (just guessing) lady and some "fat"(again, just guessing) kid's lawsuit was dismissed. She claimed McDonald's advertising violates California Consumer protection laws. She was wrong.

She was represented by the Center for Science in the Public Interest. McDondald's was represented by the law firm Hava Fukin Klue.

ARTICLE

Annoying Facebook Friends and Profiles Humor: GQ.com

2011-04-16T16:09:00.000-07:00

Annoying Facebook Friends and Profiles Humor: GQ.com

Barry Bonds and his Tiny Balls (update)

2011-04-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

Quick update on a story Rip Salsa covered.

The Federal Government has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Barry Bonds’ balls have withered away to the point that grains of sand are laughing at him. Now he will be locked away from society for jacking too many home runs while jacked up on roids.

Barry Bonds, menace to society.

Everything Must Go

2011-04-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

There are times when the whole prison would be laughing together at Will Ferrell doing something that wouldn't be considered at all funny by many, but killers and bank robbers and one horse thief like him. I tried to be snarky about the guy like I am with others who end up making horrible family movies and sitcoms, I just can't.

Rip likes the looks of the Lionsgate film Everything Must Go.

Feral Chickens Will Save the World

2011-04-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Those of us lucky enough to survive the apocalypse will undoubtedly head to New Orleans. Why? The feral chickens, of course. Do you think a bunch of feral cows could survive the apocalypse let alone thrive in post-apocalyptic conditions? Hell no. But chickens, they’re resilient, smarter than you think. And it's the chicken that will save mankind.

Tonight, when you’re at the dinner table feasting on a factory chicken, raise your glass to the feral chicken. For it is the feral chicken that will be worshipped… or maybe it’ll be the man that finds the feral chicken that will be praised. Only time will tell.

Olive is the ugliest color

2011-04-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Australia has an idea for cigarettes. All cigarettes will be packaged in an ugly olive green package, researchers claim this is a color that's unappealing to most. 74% of my shits consist of this color so I see the correlation. They also want boring font for the brand name. It will be interesting to see how this goes. The NRA uses Australia as an example of what could happen in the USA, so I can see this becoming a issue for the NSA of America. You smoke because you smoke, if your young and smoke it is because others are drunk and smoking, smoking is for smokers. The Truth ads are useless to me, who the hell doesn't know smoking is bad? Rip Salsa knows.

Anyone else really excited about humanized cow milk?

2011-04-08T05:51:00.000-07:00

Rip Salsa will get depressed from time to time, long nights in the Concrete Mamma, early morning sex that doesn't last as long as I would like and deflated fun bags are just a few things that bring me down. I was doing my daily Google Alerts and felt a little creepy reading the one about scientist making a milk cow produce humanized milk, milk for babies and freaks that get off on some mommy complex. The first thought wasn't this is a great thing for humanity, nope, it was NO MORE DEFLATED FUN BAGS! The task of mothering a child and breast feeding has some consequences that are sometimes not too obvious to all. Before I met Carla, the love of my life, I would hang out at Patrick Malloy's in Hermosa Beach and pick up on the Agers (Older but still hanging out at the bar). I met a beautiful woman named Beth and we hit it off like most women who just met a guy they were willing to sleep with. We finished with the informal background checks, she realized she wouldn't be chopped into pieces and dumped in the pier, I realized I wouldn't be stalked and my house burned down with me naked, a belt around my neck in a murder-suicide.
She was beautiful, except she had deflated breasts from her 3 children, after making sweet love she started crying because of how she felt about her breasts. I made her feel better and said they really were beautiful breasts and she should go to one of those feel good doctors that work on building up peoples self esteem. I never saw her again.
I know this HUMANIZED MILK PROJECT wasn't started for the good of man, it was started because some poor scientist has a wife at home whose breast just aren't the same as when they got married. Rip Salsa still thinks this is a really bad idea! Freaky ass shit that has some unknown effect that can be talked away in the short term by the profit takers. You wont find those same profit takers when an army of zombies is formed by some freaky mutation caused by humanized cow milk. Stick to formula and breast pumps.

Climate Change Stabilization Specialist (Inter-Agency Liaison)

2011-04-07T09:29:00.001-07:00

Can we please stop! Stop the bullshit, stop the "Inter-Agency Liaison" jobs that pop up.

Do you know what we do at WDCSD when someone asks the staff if it would be a good idea if WDCSD had an "Inter-Agency Liaison"? We punch them in the face for asking. You see we have contracts with all new employees that say with clear warning "Face punching is allowed." We don't subscribe to "There is no such thing as a dumb question", there are dumb questions in life. Don't ask me or expect me to put them here, I would have to punch you in the face. Do you know what else we punch people in the face for? When our "writers" put too many "quotations" in a post! The Feral Kid just punched me.

Over at Environmental Jobs Stopdodo they have a posting for a job with this requirement

"The Climate Change Stabilization Specialist (Inter-Agency Liaison) will be responsible for forging strong professional partnerships with other Federal Departments and Agencies in developing and implementing inter-agency efforts to combat the threat of climate change in cooperation with developing nations. In particular, s/he will also assist with the integration of democracy, governance and stabilization approaches with the USAID Climate Change Initiative(CCI)"

Talk about a do nothing but sound important job.

"Hey what do you do?"

"I'm in charge of forging strong professional partnerships and cooperation with others."

So if you have a Subaru Beard and love talking about what your going to do later after all these meetings please apply HERE. If you listen to guys like Seth Godin and others who tell you to SHIP and do something big, run the fuck away.

PUNCH!!!!

Tags: Atom.com | Funny Videos | Tournament | Upload

Walking Briskly + Slow Jogger = Me Feeling Guilty? Fuck That!

2011-04-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

They fly me out to NYC all the time. Why? Because I’m important. Now that you know I’m important you should also know I’m a brisk walker. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Eder Sanchez, the great Mexican race walker, but I don’t dally when I’m walking from point A to point B.

I was walking through Central Park a few weeks ago, making my way to a kick ass hot dog stand, and it fucking happened to me, it always fucking happens to me and it pisses me off. I catch up to some asshole who’s running slower than I’m walking. There’s no God damn, mother fucking reason anybody should be running slower than I’m walking.

Now this is where I’m weak. I don’t pass the slow runners, I just start walking slower. I don’t want to pass them and feel guilty, like I’ll make them feel bad or some shit like that. But they should feel bad because they’re making a mockery of real runners, like Oprah or the McDonalds LA marathon guy.

If you’re running that slow and you’re too stupid to simply walk, or even take up swimming, then fuck you… right? Fuck! Why do I need reassurance for this? I’m ruthless in all areas of my life. I steal from my neighbor for Christ sake. Fuck it, next time it happens I’m confronting the slow runner. I’ll step in front of them and start walking backwards, so they don’t have to run any fucking slower, and I’ll applaud them for exercising then tell them they look like an asshole. I’m sure they’ll thank me one day. Even better, if you’re running and someone walking passes you, then stop fucking running. Simple.

Man gets foot stuck in meat grinder

2011-04-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

This isn't in the top 10 of meat grinding accidents but worth mentioning.

A man on the cleaning crew of a Leetsdale, PA meat processing plant slipped while cleaning a machine that was turned off and got his foot stuck in the gears. I am guessing it won't be a sequel to 172 Hours. James Franco's agent said his schedule is packed. I put in a call to Val Kilmer's agent and she declined comment.

The man was stuck in the grinder all night because his normal partner called in sick and he was working alone. I could only imagine the thoughts going through his head. "Please check the grinder before you turn it on" or "Don't fall asleep" or "What would my foot taste like?"

Industrial food processing rules!

ARTICLE

Do you enjoy cheating on your significant other?

2011-04-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

America's newest website-

CheaterVille.com

Just what we needed. Rip thought Rate my poo was the best site but I was wrong, America loves to cheat.

Also-

World map of penis sizes. No wonder we are at war with some countries. It isn't oil, it isn't freedom, it isn't terrorism...Nope it's penis envy.

No wonder my friends call me Congo.

Louis Murphy, WR for the Raiders, former Florida Gator and Viagra User?

2011-04-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

It’s bad enough he plays for the Raiders, which is a step down from the Gators, but getting busted with Viagra? Come on Louis, you’re 23 years old and you don’t seem like a roid using, ball shrinker like Barry Bonds. Why do you need Viagra? When I was 23 I could, and would, achieve wood anytime and anyplace. Now that I’m an old man, well who am I kidding, I still achieve wood on demand… just as long as I get a good nap in afterwards.

Katie Couric to Exit the CBS Evening News

2011-04-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

Rip Salsa’s heartwarming post about colon awareness month got me thinking about Katie Couric and her exit from the CBS Evening News. Nobody watches network news, that’s something we can all agree on, but when Katie leaves CBS this June I wonder what she’ll leave behind?

Will it be the five NYC phone books she had to sit on in order to be in frame?

Or the coffee mugs with her face on them?

One thing is for sure, Brian Williams can’t dance like Katie.

I will give Katie credit for this hilarious video.

March is Colon awareness month

2011-03-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

I hope you didn't misread the title and thought it was Colin Cowherd awareness month.

This is something serious and even though assholes are involved it isn't about Colin Cowherd.

As Rip's family was awakened one afternoon in 2000 to Katie Couric's artful and brave live colonoscopy. She alone increased colon cancer screening by numbers that made a few doctors really really rich.

WDCSD staff member Art Banks was most likely saved by Katie. Art is our television critic who spends a lot of time sitting on his ass and doing as little as possible.

A ripple effect occurred after Katie's gesture and other celebrities joined in, specificly Richard Gere. This video solved one of the most recognized URBAN LEGENDS EVER. We would like to thank Richard personally for his courageous act.

Enjoy the Richard Gere colonoscopy video.

Props to Lionsgate® for it's first round of Microbudget films

2011-03-30T14:22:00.001-07:00

Rip Salsa gets this email at ripsalsa@gmail.com from these advertisement guys and they all send the same one.

"Hey D-bag try "doing" instead of being so snarky" or "Why the fuck do you hate on Cowherd so much? Get a life dickhead" After I sort through the multiple 1099 forums for my motivational speaking, my massive W-2 and counting my cash that I hide from the Mexican government I respond by asking them, "How much money do you make a year?"

WDCSD isn't just about snarkiness thrust upon certain d-bags, we have love for goodness and forward thinking people and businesses.

Lionsgate® films had a good idea with it's Microbudget films which awards budding actors and filmmakers with a chance to shine like Seth Godin's head. The first couple of films will be RAPTUREPALOOZA a post-apocalyptic comendy, GAY DUDE, a coming of age comedy with a twist, and 6 MIRANDA DRIVE, a supernatural thriller. Joe Drake, President of the Motion Picture Group at Lionsgate announced. So lick my snarky balls you haters.

Video Proof That Barry's Balls Got Smaller

2011-03-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

The Barry Bonds trial on perjury must be a little embarrassing for the former major leaguer. Adult acne, Impotence and our favorite... shrinking balls. The mistress who reported this fact during the trial has video proof of shrinking balls on Youtube and at One minute and twenty-one seconds (1:21) you actually see Barry's marbles lose size. It is an amazing time lapse video.

Who wouldn't threaten a mistress with a beheading if you ever tell the world that your balls take on a strange shape?

Killing Me Softly with His Song – The 5 Best and Worst and Covers

2011-03-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

Killing Me Softly with His Song, was composed by Charles Fox and Norman Gimbal with Lori Lieberman first recording the classic song in 1971. Since then it’s been covered many times. I present to you the 5 best and worst versions.

Best:

1. Roberta Flack – she put the song on the map, great voice, soulful, beautiful.

2. Perry Como – that’s right, Perry’s version is unique. Thanks P-dawg!

3. Luther Vandross – I almost put this on the worst list but Luther went for it and actually sang the feminine version, which takes balls. RIP Luther.

4. Emad Hamdy – who says you have to sing? Emad didn’t and he nailed it. Plus he has killer sideburns.

5. Dee Dee Bridgewater – similar to Roberta’s but different. Do you think her real name is simply Dee but one of her parents had a stuttering problem?

Worst:

1. Fugees – Lauren Hill has a great voice and alone she would’ve made the best list, however Wyclef Jean was a member of the Fugees and he ruined it. In fact I hear that’s the reason Wyclef got shot in the hand.

2. Engelbert Humperdinck – we at WDCSD appreciate Engelbert’s talent just not this time.

3. Cleo Laine – umm, no.

4. Anne Murray – the great Canadian singer doesn’t quite interpret the song correctly.

5. Electric Coconut – the Moog Synthesizer didn’t work and put against this weird Japanese flick called Zero Woman it's something that would make a car salesmen’s acid trip turn bad in a hurry.

Note: I’m sure the great Mel Torme covered it but I couldn’t find a video.

It's Over! Robin Hood of beer has been caught.

2011-03-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

I wish it would have never happened but it did, the streak is over at 100 cases of beer.

The Mexican sounding bandit, Santiago Martinez, was caught after "stealing" beer from multiple stores from Thanksgiving though Spring Break. The Texas based thief enjoyed 18-packs of beer and we all know all good beer comes in 18-packs. If you think about it the 18-pack is best suited for the beer dash. While dashing for beer, the 24 pack is a little too heavy and not shaped correctly, the 6-packs of classy beer are glass and damage much easier than a can, and why go 12-pack when the manufactures of fine beer make an 18-pack? Santiago it was a good run

Sammy Hagar Not Accused of Stuffing His Pants with a Cucumber but was Abducted by Aliens

2011-03-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

Sammy says he couldn’t explain his abduction for a long time because he didn’t understand technology “but now I’m pretty sure it was a wireless situation.”

He also said David Lee Roth is a dick. But if there's ever a chest hair competition, David wins.

Do you ever get sick of the guys and gals that tell you Revelations are upon us

2011-03-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

A guy at the office (Okay the bum that gave me 11 dollars to sleep in my van instead of dying in the freezing weather) kept going on and on about the end of the world and how China was the 200 million man army described in Revelations (A book in the bible, I Google searched Revelations, it's in there ) Shit I always thought it was an Iron Maiden song. Google searching is awesome, I came across this TOOL that has ACTUAL proof of armies of satin gathering in China and Russia, The Trumpet wars. Ken Raggio will teach you all about the end of the world, I am guessing after you sign up you can "help" him spread the word.

Click on the link and you can send all your buddies mini bibles. I love guys that study the bible harder than everyone else. I will bet the farm that Gary at Walla Walla, where I spent two miserable years among killers and sick fuckers, can find more time in a book than anywhere else. I guess someone attempting to slit your throat brings you closer to God. If you have a lifetime to read, you read stuff over and over and over and over.

I just can't follow a guy that makes shitty videos in his manufactured home.

Along with posing in tight underwear Men's Health encourages me to have sex.

2011-03-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

Men's Health has an article on having sex with your old girlfriend using Facebook to plan your hookup. Glad Men's Health took time off it's classy top 10 bulging bicep exercises that women like, top 10 reason why your boner doesn't work and other important things to encourage cheating.

If you have the joy of reading Men's Health online. You have to read an article in 10 parts so they can get revenue from the ad hits on each page load. (Tip: When you read Men's Health always go to the PRINT icon and that way you can read the entire story without the annoying NEXT> shit)

BTW who the fuck would take career and money advise from Men's Health? Just keep to the ideal penis shit and leave the money to Forbes.

Rip Salsa was wrong. The McDonald's marathoner was an athlete.

2011-03-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't been wrong since suggesting Al Gore wear a beard but I was wrong about the McDonald's Marathoner. We here at Whatever Drugs Car Salesmen Do hate marathoners, not for the extreme training or the miles and miles to ready yourself and not just a hate for the reason of hating. We hate it for the fatso, pseudo-runners that do it as a life changing event or want to prove a point. The rich lady with her own network is the best example of the whole, "I ran a marathon and no one can take that away from me."

Back to me being wrong, more wrong than Seth Godin picking All Marketers are Liars for the title of a book, more wrong than mouthing off to a Utah Cop.

I was blasting Joe D'Amico for being like Morgan Spurlock in nut hugging shorts, eating at McDonald's while training for a marathon. This cat ran a sub 3 hour Marathon, 2 hours 36 minutes and 14 seconds. Joe D'Amico is an athlete. Sub 6 minute miles for 26.2 miles is a man. Once high on coke and nutmeg I ran 14 minutes at that pace being chased the three headed guard of Hades, Cerberus, and my heart exploded.

Joe, WDCSD is sorry and punch me in the balls next time you see me in the same marathon, I am the one in a NASA diaper.

A Meat slick on Illinois Hwy

2011-03-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

Parts is Parts

A meat spill was cleaned up on an Illinois hwy when a truck hauling "Reused animal rendering material" overturned. The spill was cleaned up by Cargill even though they said "It wasn't our fault" They headed out with a little Tide detergent and some cold water and made the road drivable again. The load was intended to be used as an ingredient in pet food. One of the workers got Kirstie Alley and Val Kilmer's autographs when they thought the smell was a road side taco vendor instead of a meat spill

Ban on Menthol Cigarettes is unKool and so is Alex Bogusky

2011-03-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

I don’t think I’ll ever know what drugs car salesmen do, but I’m pretty sure some of them smoke menthol cigarettes. And for those of you that are Kool and smoke Newport cigs you better start hoarding your ciggy’s because that’s exactly what your outdoor smoking buddies are doing.

Although smoking menthol cigs doesn’t fuck you up any more than smoking regular cigarettes the FDA still wants to ban them. Why? Because they say that banning menthol cigarettes is good for public health. Hmm, what about banning all cigarettes? Then banning chewing tobacco. Then alcohol. Then sugar. Then television. Then Adam Sandler movies. Yeah, that makes sense.

Of course Alex Bogusky will happily support banning everything… except fast food. Oh, above is a photo of Alex channeling his inner John Denver. One thing you should know, Alex, John Denver was a hard working, talented musician who will always be remembered. Alex will be remembered as a hypocritical douchebag. Or a sociopath.

Pam Anderson's next movie? THE BEAVER

2011-03-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

I was wrong about the movie

Even though there is a rumor Mel might have fisted Pam's beaver and that is why he got hammered and drove around Malibu in an anti-semantic stupor. I pitched that as premise to Universal Studios in 2009 and even though Steve Zahn was perfect for the roll I was escorted out.

Nope it's a movie that Mel actually fists a beaver puppet.

Let the spin begin CP+B and BK split

2011-03-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

I was going to mention the split. Just Google Search it.

Thank goodness all things cool come and go.

One of my cell mates had a picture of Twiggy up on the wall.

I asked him who the hell is that? He choked me out and I died for at least 4 minutes.

COACH KILLER

CP+B wins our daily Google Alert contest

2011-03-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

They are the master of self promotion.

CP+B have five Google Alerts by noon.

1. NY TIMES

2. Brand-e.biz

3. AD WEEK (Nice Subaru Beard Conrad)

4. crain's new york business

5. Creativity

6. WDCSD

Woman falls off shitter at McDonald's and you'll never guess who is getting sued

2011-03-17T11:38:00.000-07:00

This time it isn't boiling coffee scalding your nuts, McDonald's made you fat, Grease Tax, Finger in the fries or anything regarding your food. It was the shitter that got McDonald's sued. Some fat ass broad, Cherry Hardie, (Just guessing she is fat as a house because it's the fat broads that bust my toilet) fell off the toilet seat in a Chicago area McDonald's reaching for paper. She hurt her arm and shoulder and is claiming she is disabled because of the ordeal. Words used by her obviously fat lawyer were "Severe shock to her nervous system" and "$30,000" pay it and waddle away.

'Cause it is all about the delicious choices.

RIP Nate Dogg… and Thanks for the Blunt

2011-03-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

Nate Dogg, may you rest in peace.

Most media outlets are praising Nate Dogg’s contributions to the world of hip hop and R & B. We at WDCSD do not agree. We think he made contributions to the whole fucking world of music. Nate Dogg created, most people don’t do shit.

True story:

The Verizon cable guy came over to do an installation last year and as usual it was supposed to take a half hour… it took 6 fucking hours. But Carlos, the cable guy, was cool. See most of the time Carlos and I were just waiting for the assholes back at the Verizon headquarters to answer a few simple questions he had. While waiting we started talking and Carlos told me he knew Nate Dogg and that he was the coolest celeb cable install he’s ever done. So I immediately put in a CD that featured Nate Dogg. Carlos immediately produced a nice fat blunt. We smoked and listened to some sweet music while waiting for the Verizon man to pull his head out of his ass. So, thanks for the blunt, Nate Dogg.

Who doesn't love a good Hitler story

2011-03-14T07:14:00.001-07:00

For a guy that had such an impact on history that little fucker never seems to go away.
An article has some pictures of his babe Eva in a row boat. The thing about Hitler is he got a lot of good people to follow him and his evil ways. The best example of this is a radio host for ESPN, the corporate shill, Colin Cowherd. There is no doubt that prick would be a Nazi. If his boss came in and said, "Meet your new boss, Mr. Hitler." Colin would be on board in a second, after all he is the boss and if you can't be first be interesting. Hitler was first and interesting so on your knees and bow to the boss.

With that guy Charlie in the news let's not forget Tiger Woods is a dumb ass.

2011-03-13T22:00:00.002-07:00

According to Academics at the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University have estimated that the revelations of ace golfer Tiger Woods’ two balls cost Nike, his main sponsor, the loss of 105,000 golf ball sales. Bigger than that, bigger than the millions and billions of dollars the biggest fuck up was the gorgeous wife he was tapping is gone and has a shit load of his money. There isn't 1000 waitresses or hostesses that will ever erase the fact you lost all that money. The money is gone and it will eat at you everyday and for the rest of your life. So fuck away Tiger.

I know about hot ass babes because I keep mine, she picked me up in my Vega at the Walla Walla/Washington State Penitentiary after two years of waiting. I don't need a video of me staring and James Earl Jones asking me hard questions. Who the hell does that? Todd Pendleton and WK.com is my guess.

Being in prison I am a little behind say 8 or 9 months so this is a little late and a little lame but I just can't tell you how much I think Tiger is such a dumb ass.

Marathoner to eat fast food.

2011-03-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

Believe me being a marathoner has nothing to do with being an athlete. Being an Olympic marathoner is something different than being an ordinary marathoner. I eat every day but Joey Chestnut is a professional. Combining Joey Chestnut and Pheidippides is an awesome combination to be sure but don't get carried away
thinking it holds any weight that some no name marathoner goes Morgan Spurlock.
This guy Joe D'Amico is going to eat pancakes, burgers and fries before his next "Race" and TOPNEWS gave him an article on this tired theme.
In 1998 after robbing a Subway, I cut off my jeans and went shirtless, ran with a pack of fat ladies that walked/jogged the Portland Marathon and with cops everywhere I managed to escape the law with a time of 4 hours and 27 seconds. Faster than Oprah, faster than Freddie Prinze Jr., faster than David Lee Roth, faster than Mario Lopez and the dozens of celebrities who call themselves MARATHONERS.
We here at WDCSD hate marathoners.
You run a 10K every weekend we love you.

British Women Are Not Ugly

2011-03-13T11:50:00.000-07:00

The King of Burger King, Bernardo Hees, thinks British women are ugly and England’s food is terrible.

We at WDCSD do not agree with him. We think Burger King is ugly and Burger King’s food is terrible. I think Bernardo is doing whatever drugs car salesmen do. I wonder what Bernardo thinks of his customers from Oakland, California?

And now, an educational video.

Catfish Movie Review

2011-03-12T10:14:00.000-08:00

I don’t usually review movies because it’s not worth my time but I’m a friendly sort of fella and I don’t want you to waste your time with this piece of shit movie. It’s called Catfish. There is some debate whether it is or isn’t a documentary but does it really matter when the film is completely mind-numbing? But I’ll end the debate, it isn’t a documentary.

I will, however, give the marketing team some credit for making the trailer look like some sort of thriller/horror type film. It isn’t.

There was one funny part of the movie. The boring dipshit the “docu” follows around is Nev Schulman and he has a lower back tattoo. He says that he got it when he was “17 and regrets it everyday”, but had no problem showing it off in the phony, boring film. You know, if you’re some unfortunate dude who got caught up in the tattoo craze in the early 90’s and got a lower back tattoo before you knew only tramps get that stamp, then I’ll give you a pass. But this Nev idiot got his somewhere around 2005. No excuse. And even less excuse to make a boring documentary.

Hell, Ryan Kutscher even took his sunglasses off to laughed.

George Michael random saxaphone video

2011-03-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

Taking a dump and reading my iPad

2011-03-11T05:23:00.000-08:00

I like to take my iPad into the shitter and get a good read in while I take care of a life task. I was Reading about Forbes top billionaires wondering how some guy that used to work for me was #1 on the list?

I was perplexed that I couldn't remember the last time I ate corn?

I was wondering what the fuck did Larry Ellison do to his face when my Google Alert for "Stupid ass shit that people pay CP+B for" twanged I had a new alert. The timing was impeccable, I was on the drop box with my iPad and CP+B was involved in a study that said people are unfocused
when they use the iPad for reading. No shit! My freaking email alerts for
Victor & Spoils alone sounds like a casino...DING DING DING DING DING DING add my alerts for shirtless man arrested, plungers, the shocker, meat accident, meat, processed meat and my iPad sounds like the start of an Aldo Nova song. I can't concentrate.

Phil Collins Retires – Here’s The Real Story

2011-03-09T18:23:00.000-08:00

Phil claimed he retired but the real story is the famed Douglas County Fair retired him.

You see, old Phil wanted to perform at the legendary Fair in Roseburg, Oregon but he got rejected. They didn’t think he was up to snuff and told him they’d rather see if The Scorpions or Little River Band or Loverboy or Kenny Loggins or Alice Cooper or Ted Nugent or Diamond Rio or Billy Idol were available. Surprisingly most of them were.

Phil said he has hearing problems, nerve damage in his hands and a bad back – all because he’s was a drummer. I asked Jack Haynes, 68, who works at the local landfill and lifts heavy shit over his head on a daily basis and has done so since he was 18 years old (that’s fucking 40 years) and Jack said this, “Phil Collins is a pussy, but for some reason I liked the song Sussudio.” The next day, when his coworkers found out Jack liked that song, he was ‘accidentally’ run over by a backhoe.

Peter Gabriel even called Phil a pussy.

Wash your asshole

2011-03-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

REDD FOXX a Colt.45 malt liquor guy before Billy Dee and has some funny shit you can find on Youtube.

He reminds of of something really important. Wash your ass.

Rip Salsa has a few more.

Play guitar with your asshole

Jog with your asshole

Hug your asshole

Promote your asshole

Beef Sweats

2011-03-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

I was fertilizing my roses with some kick ass mother fucking deadly chemicals that make those roses bloom like a mother fucker when I notice my neighbor leave for the Dollar Store to buy his FRS Energy drinks. I think he’s an athlete, maybe even plays for the Lakers.

Anyway, he left his garage door open and since I’m a good neighbor I went into his house to steal something. As soon as I walk in, holy fucking shit, I smelled the sweetest smell in the world. Better than cotton candy, even better than cheese from a cheese pump if you can believe that. What I smelled was BEEF BRISKET slow cooking in a crock-pot.

Knowing he’ll be at the Dollar Store for at least an hour I snoop around and find exactly what I need to get the brisket back to my house and feast – a giant zip-loc bag and a six ice cold Stella Artiois beers. (btw, that Stella Superbowl commercial sucked)

I have the 6-pack of Stella in one hand and the brisket zip locked in the other hand and can’t wait to chow down when that fucking goofy looking Laker pulls into his driveway. Fuck! He didn’t go to the Dollar Store, he picked up a hooker or his girlfriend, I can’t tell the difference. I jump behind his couch the same time he and gf/hooker walk in. They immediately start watching TV. I’m thinking two things; One – thank god he didn’t check his crock-pot. Two – why are they watching TV and not fucking in one of his 12 rooms. I mean, shit man, this guy’s house is huge and he has to sit on the same couch I’m hiding behind? Asshole. I’m rooting for the Clippers now.

I’m dying behind the couch because that brisket looks and smells so good, then it hits me. I have a fucking cell phone. So I give him a call and tell him his girlfriend just pulled into his driveway. I guessed the chick was a hooker and I guessed right! He hides the hooker upstairs and while he’s up there I slip out of his fucking mansion faster than shit.

I make it home, quickly drink two beers because that’s the proper way to prepare for potentially great beef brisket, then I slice off a piece of brisket and guess what - The. Best. Beef. Brisket. Ever. He’s the Banksy of crock-potting. I immediately get the beef sweats, and that only happens when I eat great mother fucking beef. I also decide to keep rooting for the Lakers.

MEAT GRINDER MISHAP

2011-03-08T05:03:00.000-08:00

"Despite all safety precautions there was an unforeseen tragic accident at our plant," Brian Coelho, general manager of the plant, said in a prepared statement. "The circumstances are being fully investigated." The Associated Press March 1, 2011
First off Brian, your company makes you look like a dick. Does a guy like you have a Facebook page? What was your status update that day? "Rough Day at Work" Way to show some compassion. But you have had mishaps previous to this. Seems to me the $1000 dollar fine you had to pay was a little steep. Yes it happened again. A meat grinder death in California. I believe this is the first senior citizen that has died by the teeth of a industrial meat mincer. Leopoldo Gutierrez was 72 years old. A fucking 72 year old man working at a meat grinding plant in California? Stay classy Central Valley Meat Co. (checking for web site now)
No website? Strange I thought MUTT would come up with some catch slogan for meat. insert music a smiling illegal and then some cheesy voice over. Anyway Central Valley Meat Company has a job opening if your entering your twilight years of life and are looking for some additional income.

Rip Salsa is out of prison

2011-03-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Out for good behavior two years early! The day I left the Washington State Penitentiary a corrections officer was stabbed in the face, many years before on the same day Babe Ruth signed a contract for 70 grand over three years, Tab Hunter released the greatest song EVER and Crispin Porter & Bogusky sent out another self promotional viral video. What? That happens everyday? Next up is to find a job or some quick cash for a Mac book and grow a really shitty beard. I plan on hanging out in coffee shops. Wait for a hippie smelling chick desiring a "bad boy" move into her apartment allowing me to move out of this van I bought from a suspected serial killer.
Remember, no blogging in prison. The sentence for stealing a horse in Walla Walla Washington is 5 years. Fucking great to be out! I plan on crowdsourcing my cock at a whore house tonight.

Music for the gays

2010-07-01T05:20:00.000-07:00

Sweet Jesus it is amazing how you can float down the Internet on an Google search binge and where you end up some times. Craigslist looking at a used tequila bottle sold as an antique or ..Ahem..Accidently coming across a gay focused sight like South Florida Gay News. According to the South Florida Gay News' "Gayvine" Britain has it's "First radio station for gays".

Now that is SUPER!

It's called GAYDIO and you can link to it here - GINK (A GAY LINK)

Helping Keep Meat on our plates

2010-06-25T05:36:00.000-07:00

Some things in life are just not worth it.

Most Adam Sandler movies

Most Bars in Minnesota

Cops that have to remove friendless dead fat guys from apartments

Last but not least

Working at any job that has to use a meat grinder.

Another meat accident occured over the weekend as a man fell into "some sort of meat grinding machine." Working at 3am on a weekend at JOBBERS MEAT PACKING COMPANY INC. Where did your life go so bad that you are working at a meat packing plant on the weekend and working the night shift? Do they give you Tuesday and Wednesday off?

Is this a guy that sold his soul to play the best guitar around and now the Devil wants payback?

Personally I would take the smelly fat decompsing removal over meat packing leg amputations any day of the week.

ARTICLE

Happy Meal has new meaning

2010-06-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

Happy does mean gay.

McDonald's spares no one from the marketing barrage and now it is targeting gays, not in the Wyoming targeting way, but as potential customers.

A helping hand to keep meat on our plate

2010-05-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

A man lost his arm working at a meat plant. His name is Joe.

I always imagine the crew that has to clean up the accident and what a grim task that must be.

Rip loves a good steak but sweet jesus I can't stand the thought of dudes losing didgits and it ends up in the food chain.

Get better Sloppy Joe.

MAN LOSES ARM ARTICLE

SAME STORY DIFFERENT ARTICLE

Fattest Cities in the United States

2010-05-06T05:43:00.000-07:00

We know how stupid most Texans are but you can't help but notice they are super fat, junk eating, agoraphobic diabetics.

The list of the fattest cities is a great one to look at and just wonder what the hell people are doing?

Why is Riverside the fattest city in California?

Why do people in Corpus Christi Texas run and hide when that bitch from the Biggest Loser comes to town? ( Have you noticed that she always has some porn-like look when she yells at the contestants?
I think the Warthog's penis tip is just off the edge of the picture below.)

Over at Men's Health they have the list.

ARTICLE

Top 10 Tasered Moments

2010-05-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

Not 10 but I got 6.

Philly Fan

The Don't Tase me Bro.

Drunk A's Fan "Come on! Take it easy on him"

Eric Estrada's testicle blast

Or your getting it again

Cop can not wait to taser fat black guy

BP or BK caused massive oil slick off Gulf Coast?

2010-05-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

On the war path again!
The King has ramped up his destructive creativity. The King growing tired of just destroying office spaces and mental institutions has moved on to bigger and better things. The destruction of the Gulf Coast fragile ecosystem was The King's latest target. PETA has claimed the oil spill was not British Petroleum's problem but those damn meat eating bastards.

ARTICLE

Signs

2010-04-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ingredients needed.
1 shot- Bitterness and anger caused by rural female turning you down and leaving with your 19 year old high school rivial.

7 oz- Peach Schnapps, slightly warm and from a plastic bottle.

1 shot- Conversation about the next stupid fucking tattoo you'll be getting on your shoulder that is meant to impress really hot rural chicks your individuality and coolness.

7 cans- Keystone light 16 oz.

1 dirt road- A road just far enough away from your parents trailer and isolated enough that you wont encounter that "Fucking" county sheriff.

1 truck- Preferably a Ford with Calvin pissing on something and MUST have that rusty hood
that helps keep your can from sliding when you stop to bullshit with a guy named Al.

1 gun- Any gun excluding a scatter rifle or shotgun.

7 cans- Whatever beer is left in the cooler.

1 friend- A friend with less pull than you, no car or pickup and goes wherever you go.

1 sign- Finally the anger and resentment of your life boils over and you have to shoot
something.

Things always seem to work for our award winners

2009-08-07T05:21:00.000-07:00

And the award goes to...

Sweet Justice
Ryan Kutscher was promoted to Creative Director at CP+B.
Staff Members are stoked, as Ryan seems to pull off the trying to be cool side of things so well.
From sun glasses at a shoot to the ever popular 'haven't shaved look' and finally posting every award possible for 'Whopper Freakout' on his own web page. (Found nowhere on his award list is the WDCSD's D-Bag of the year award.)
Although far less the redoubtable foe of unhipness compared to Alex Bogusky, Ryan has been made and is an earner for the Crispin Nostra
Good Job Ryan!

ARTICLE

Whopper Freakout

Death of the Autotune: Jay-Z is a smart guy

2009-07-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

FLEX

This is what moved Jay-Z to pen the above song

Would You?

2009-07-17T10:45:00.001-07:00

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30

2009-07-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30!
Seems to be going well for America.
Obesity rates thank you and your buddies.

ARTICLE

Explosion at a SLIM JIM plant kills 3

2009-07-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

Not the "Snap into a Slim Jim" the company was looking for.

A gas leak caused an explosion that killed three Slim Jim workers.

ARTICLE

Alex Bogusky gives interview on the set of "SAW XI"

2009-07-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

Apparently Alex gives interviews in between cutting up hookers in a creepy basement-like facility.

Much of the interview looks and sounds like he is trying for something but not reaching it.

Comes off less cool than the Bogusky brand needs to.

Traditional Media...Blah Blah Blah

Traditional Media...Blah Blah Blah.

Method Advertising? WHAT?

SO COOL...SO SO COOL

Jeremy Abelson Interviews Alex Bogusky for the Huffington Post from Jeremy Abelson on Vimeo.

The Softer side of Canada

2009-07-10T13:54:00.000-07:00

Canada...Real nice.

Dickwads

Is Will Smith remaking "The Death Pool"

2009-07-06T18:07:00.000-07:00

Holy Crap! When will Will Smith buy the rights to the two deadly months of 2009? WDCSD has not seen a 60 day span like this one...EVER!

What a couple of weeks!

Michael Roof didn't even get a blip on the tidal wave of death.

Joey Chestnut defends his mustard belt

2009-07-04T13:18:00.001-07:00

Hotdogs. 68 Hotdogs.

Just thinking about it makes Rip Salsa ill, ill but proud to be an American.

Dude You Just Poached My Ad

2009-07-03T08:17:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of hype surrounding Alex and his band of cool lately, a "Summer Surprise", a huge push of self promotion and others claiming a near JUMP THE SHARK of Alex.

The business built around watching the ad world has been all over a blow job sandwich which Gawker came out and blamed Cool Alex and the Bike Commuters for and now the Microsoft Puke ad for Explore 8.0, both the work of others and not CP+B but became about CP+B. The continued self promotion has confused some or maybe like a cushion fart that lingers, CP+B still gets the blame for the smell. Fernado from SNL said,

"It's not how feel, it's how you look."

Nice job boys and girls of Boulder...You have made it! Perception is everything.

The Oldest Jonas brother will be having dirty hot sex soon

2009-07-02T05:08:00.000-07:00

Kevin Jonas, the oldest Jonas Brother, is anticipating the day he can throw his purity ring over a bridge and watch it sink to the bottom of the bay. After Kevin gets married and bangs this hot hairdresser I am sure the other brothers will be asking what the hell it was like to have dirty hot sex? Kevin will be telling his brothers to throw those stupid rings away and start hitting the hotties in the concert crowds, suggesting they change their name from Jonas Brothers to Motley Jonas, this sex thing is unbelievable.

"It was tough performing last night, knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world," People quoted Jonas as saying.

Article

Step Two: Kill the parents

2009-07-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

Fucking dip shits with exotic pets.

What the fuck are you proving by owning a snake that takes up more room than an Andre the Giant shit? Were all the pit bulls taken? Did the local Tiger adoption fall through? Life has enough bullshit without introducing a snake.

ARTICLE

Give Me Sex Or I Kill The Dog.

2009-06-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

This Dognapper's days are now spent behind bars.

He demanded $70 or some sex for the return of Pineapple the Dog.

ARTICLE

RIP Billy Mays

2009-06-30T08:31:00.000-07:00

Pitchman Billy Mays died.

ARTICLE

Ad guys: Try getting laid more at home and stop taking it to the digital airwaves

2009-06-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

Sweet Jesus is the entire ad world horny?

A McDonald’s Pay Cover-Up? Maybe that's how the beat BK

2009-06-25T14:52:00.000-07:00

An article at 247wallst.com points out some very interesting cover ups by Ronald's Army of executives and the hold back of information on payouts for Mayor McCheese's country club fees.

At some point shouldn't this be the fault of McDonald's advertising buddies? Maybe they could put out some ad pointing out how McDonald's executives are a diverse group of good guys and girls and how the McDonald's Corporation helps needy people highlighting the grounds crew of the country club enjoying a new tasty McDonald's Angus burger. Freak out about a blow job burger picture that made it's way to the Internet and has us believe it's on every corner but slow to tell everyone that this is a Singapore Ad and not a U.S. campaign. Someone should tell WDCSD where all the uproar about all the semi-stereotypical McDonald's ads that flood the airwaves (scratch that) the digital waves?

Punch me in the face- But in this economy show me a beefy seven inch meat sandwich over a douche bag getting his 3.6 million dollar salary and seems to be a bad tipper.

Nice job Tim Fenton!

When you make macho movies and then complain to you boss please use spellcheck

2009-06-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

WDCSD has a few rules when it comes to Email.
1. Never Email Drunk
The Never Email Drunk rule is the #1 always follow rule of the Internet for numerous reasons which includes sending Emails to your bosses and ex-girlfriends.
Michael Bay was unhappy about how "Transformers Duex" was being marketed an sent an after hours email to his bosses, his bosses released the email to the gossip king TMZ.
This brings WDCSD to rule # 2
2. Always use spell check when Emailing.
If your a professional sending an Email to other professionals try to make your Emails readable and grammatically correct,which ties into the #1 rule of Never Email Drunk, because if TMZ gets a hold of your Email you will get crushed.
The final WDCSD email rule should also be a Miller Lite Man Law rule.
3. Never sound like a pussy or try to sound Email Tough.
It never works to sound like a little baby when you complain on Email because you'll come off sounding like a pussy.

Michael Bay broke all three rules in WDCSD's opinion. When you try as hard to look Hollywood perfect like Michael Bay does this could nut punch Mikey Sally Bay where it hurts, the ego pocket book. Michael may be asked to direct the next Sandra Bullock movie instead of working on bad ass movies like "Bad Boys" or "The Rock" and instead be asked to work on the "Bad Boys the Musical". Also WDCSD loves the Michael Bay Phil Spector connection with the woman who killed herself.
The drunk/Bad Grammar/Pussy email was pointed out in an article by Greg Sandoval who covers media and digital entertainment for CNET News and has a great mustache.

ARTICLE

Is Hollywood out of Ideas...THERE CAN BE ONLY TWO

2009-06-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Will Fucking Smith- King of the Remakes

Life seems to be measured in remakes as industry leaders transition from the age demographic that grew up watching movies in the 1970's to the now obvious trend in the leadership run by the generation whose childhood memories consist of 1980's cinema and comic books.

The buzz was a Zac Efron remake of Footloose, which he bailed on after that lame ass Freaky Friday remake. Zac is being replaced by the dreamy Chance Crawford who in all my public bathroom encounters with look-a-likes is far more handsome than Zac. Sweet Jesus the six degrees of Chance Crawford? The Crawford Brothers? Palates with Chance? More indicators of this trend is the possible MTV remake of Teen Wolf and Paul Verhoeven must be rolling over in his grave (He is dead in Hollywood's eyes, just kidding Paul! I think The Surrogate will be terrific! Someone who considers Halle Berry to be too old to carry a baby is awesome.) as the talk of remaking RoboCop is abound.

Others?

Red Dawn

Oldboy-This one will be a FUBAR Will Fucking Smith?

Karate Kid- Another Will Fucking Smith, the Fresh Prince of Remakes.

Alien- Ridley Scott must be proud to be associated with Carl Erik Rinsch.

Highlander- "There Can Be Only TWO?"

Soon WDCSD will be arguing about the best remakes of all time and who played a better Robert Neville, M.D, Will Smith or Charlton Heston?

"Was the 1990's remake of Standing Tall better than the 2014 remake of Against All Odds?"

Time will pass and maybe, like Einstein's law of relativity as speed increase the mass gets to hard to push with any energy, Hollywood will hit the wall on remakes and the term DuexNext, remake # 2 will be the rage. It was one thing when there were a few adaptions from books like Robin Hood, where you would expect 9 or 10 remakes but this is beginning to look a lot like Hell.

Come out...Come out...Punks are trying to geek on CP+B

2009-06-22T13:02:00.001-07:00

WDCSD always find it funny how all the nerds come out of the woodwork to make fun of the Burger King/Crispin relationship after some news that seems to prove the nerds are winning. Google search Burger King Crispin Porter and Bogusky Sweet Jesus you would think Obama won some sort of election, Saltine Crackers changed it shape to oval...Mister Salty thinks these pundits of shame are a bit on the salty side. Nerds are still Nerds and CP+B is still CP+B is winning all the time. Maybe once in a while the cool guys in Boguskyland walk out of the bathroom with a urine stain visible on their cool jeans, the pair they wear to business meetings.Alway remember that the urine will dry and they still have the coolest jeans in the business.

ARTICLE

ARTICLE #2

LIVING NEAR KFC DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAT

2009-06-20T08:18:00.000-07:00

At WDCSD we love a good study.
The study from Indiana University-Purdue University Indanapolis (Handful)
points out that living next to a BK or Skippers does not make you fat. The study also mentions living next to a shopping mart full of fresh fruits and vegetables does not make you skinny.
The cool thing was living next to a kickball diamond or some sort of recreational facility made you skinnier. Living next to a track and field facility made you fatter according to the study.
Kicking a ball or running around tackling a buddy is fun, running in circles in front of your parents and those creepy track dudes...NOT FUN. Once again loser scientists spent a shitload of money to prove that sitting on your ass makes you fat and track is boring. Way to go science dudes.

ARTICLE

British Meat Spill

2009-06-19T05:15:00.000-07:00

The British sure know how to make a meat spill on a road sound awesomely pleasant.
Rip Salsa had no idea that the toothy empire builders called trailers a Lorry or the windshield a windscreen.
WDCSD love the British.

ARTICLE

Swedish Meatballs

2009-06-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

CP+B heads to Europe.

Alex's band of Cool heads to Europe after buying the digital agency Daddy.

This makes total sense as Boulder loses it cool factor, Alex can offer an even hipper place to co-workers who take a love it or leave it attitude about America.

ARTICLE

I Shit My Pants Twice A Year

2009-05-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

George Brett, Hall of Fame Baseball player and storyteller.

The F-word in a McDonald's Happy Meal CD

2009-05-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

McDonald's Happy Meal Song has the Gavin Degraw remake with the F-bomb in it....Interesting

LISTEN HERE

and you decide

Management

2009-05-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

Smell that?

Hey Zach Snyder ask Gavin Hood how it should be done

2009-05-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

Zach is hurting from this weekend's successful launch of Wolverine's movie.

America and the world wants the simple emotions of reacting to a character in a way that is easy, like the cheese in a can easy, not sharp cheddar that only a few like.

Gavin Hood didn't seem like the right choice from his previous Oscar winning movie to make a comic book movie but sexy sexy Hugh wanted him.

It worked well enough that the weekend went without someone blowing their head off during his movie.

Alex Bogusky stunt double for Tom Cruise

2009-04-29T12:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously, how is this NOT Alex during his long hair phase... er, sorry. During his Cool Long Hair Phase, cause anything Alex does has to be cool.

I love midgets

2009-04-28T05:18:00.000-07:00

Rip Salsa often asks his Colored friends and his Oriental friends which commercials they find offensive.
Many of Oriental friends found the Burger King Midget Farming Commercial the most offensive. I guess I don't understand, but Toby my Colored friend just laughed out loud and yelled to me in the movie theater that I just don't get it. You have to look deep into the commercial to see just how creative Crispin Porter and Bogusky got on the zinger of a commercial.

Gotta Love Boulder

2009-04-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

"A 46-year-old man was found shirtless, drunk and urinating on the side of the road in east Boulder County "

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Man loses weight by eating nothing but McDonald's

2009-04-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Move over Jarred here comes Skinny Ronald.

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The Rocker kills division of Fox but manager promoted

2009-04-22T14:36:00.001-07:00

It always sucks to be the little guy.
Screw up, Screw up big and you get promoted.

Fox Atomic is dead

Peter Rice, thanks to Slumdog is still alive and kicking and was promoted to run all of it.

Nice job!

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CRAPPY VIDEO OF THE WEEK

2009-04-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

Hall and Oates were college buddies and never left each other's Private Eyes.

17 Again

2009-04-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

How much pain can one take?

The title should have been Pain Tolerance and not 17 again.

Zac Efron? Soon he will be remembered like that kid that was on T.V. with Alan Thick.

I am sure the Gay dollar and the Tween dollar will propel this to #4 or # 5 this week.

I bet if some movie goer shot them self at a Zac Efron movie and instead of The Watchmen it would have made national news

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Childhood Dream: Job: Clown: Future Killer

2009-04-14T12:22:00.000-07:00

Who knew you had to interview to be a clown?
I thought you just had to have the desire to kill someone later but it turns out you have to interview and go through a try out.

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Ron Jeremy Interview with AMI

2009-04-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Story lines are important

American Mustache Institute interviews Ron Jeremy - watch more funny videos

The Funniest Movie of 2009 - Bruno

2009-04-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sacha Baron Cohen, comic genius.

Ontario doctors urge menus with calorie counts

2009-04-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Canada.

Style or Substance?

Do we really think the listing of calories make people turn around and walk out.

Education is great and it keeps Rip Salsa eating fish taco's on whole wheat tortillias, but Rip attended and graduated from the College of the Holy Cross and had to take a Chemistry of Food class, Rip Knows.

Guys in their car eating before a sales call he doesn't care, he shouldn't because the stress of not selling enough will cause his heart to explode anyway.

The guy that decides to kill himself while checking out Watchmen won't care either.

Give up on the calorie counting Canada and just give into our fat ass way of doing things.

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Shirtless Dad's Flock to BK after latest Gem

2009-04-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

Targeting the 30 year old crowd who enjoys the sponge bob kid's meal?

Droves of Shirtless Dad's singing this song as they reward their new girlfriend's kid with a cheeseburger and fries with the promise of not coming into the bedroom later that evening.

After five years of milking the Subservient Chicken and getting used to the creepy headed BK guy and that dude that used to go by HOOTIE now singing country music for real. The luster of the cute chicken is lessened. Hell PETA can't even get any run off the King anymore. I don't blame Rob for turning his back on BK money for the Golden Ticket of MS, Rip Salsa would too. Rip needs a golden ticket to pay off the Los Angeles water bill for my new office water fountain.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

2009-04-06T21:28:00.001-07:00

Gil Scott talked the walk

Some days you just don't have a lot to say.

Put a little Donny on the Ipod and just listen. Donny out the window

Moron's v. Crispin Porter and Bogusky

2009-04-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

What happens when a Moron tries to sit at the CP+B 'Cool Table'? You always look foolish.

What happens when you try to smack CP+B in your article? You always look foolish.

What happens when you call yourself G Man Marketing? You always look foolish.

What happens if you get arrested from drinking 40's while driving a school bus? You look like Rip.

Rip Salsa never tries to explain logically why I think some things are lame and others things are cool. If your a fan of Football you may think every single person knows who the tight end of the Redskin's is. Ask your mom who the tight end is for the Redskins she may say John Elway.

Geeks who try to bash CP+B for using Mac Computers to make the Microsoft ads are just geeks and forget that Mom's don't care, Mom's will just think Lauren is cute. Who cares if Mac still gets the 'Hard Core', my computer will help me get laid crowd. Rip Salsa has a Mac for that reason too and so does his Mom. Rip Salsa also has two refrigerators, one with meat in it and one with no meat, so I can get laid by some hot vegetarians.

Looking through my 11,000 Google Alerts I spotted an article about Microsoft that someone named SCOTT G? What are you a rapper from the 90's? Anyway he tries to bash CP+B for not knowing anything and what happened to advertising and he just screams....

"You Kids Get Off My Lawn."

Rip Salsa hasn't slept, coming off a Vitamin K binge and ended up taking a 11 PM train to San Juan Capistrano only to lose money betting the Duck Fighting last night. Riding the Greyhound bus back to Los Feliz Blvd sucks, thank God for my wireless card.

I asked the Bum sitting next to me if he knew who the Tight End for the Redskins is?

"BlahhFFFuchk Yu". Nope.

SCOTT G ARTICLE